The Vendo Machine
by Simple-Minded Idiot
Summary: You find love in the oddest places. Naruto found it when he was arguing with the vendo machine that ate his coins and his bills. It was in the form of a darkhaired bastard that got the remaining softdrink. The same one that he was trying to buy.


Warnings : An overload of cussing somewhere around the middle. Unnecessary cussing at that. And a seemingly choppy ending that's really been broken off like that. And, yes, this is a one-shot. It may seem like there's a continuation, but there isn't. Though I am planning to make a spin-off from this.

* * *

Naruto had long ago known that the world was out to get him. But, seriously, couldn't they lay down for just one minute? They didn't have to be all, "Grr! We are after your blood!" all the time. They should totally cool down or something, take a chill pill or two. Or they could go vent their anger out on somebody else for a change. It wasn't as if he was the only guy out there whom they could torment. It wasn't as if he had a piece (a rather large piece at that) of paper or a mini-neon-signboard (which also had the potential to end his life in a quick and painful manner) stuck to his back that said, _Hate me and try to make my life as miserable as possible – winner gets three months' supply of absolutely free and superb ramen_. Not that that made a lot of sense, but still! The point was, they should just all leave him alone, even for just one damn minute. He was just asking for one stupid minute. Surely that wasn't far too much. 

Obviously, it was.

Because, really, if it wasn't, he wouldn't have had all of this bad luck since... _ever_, not to mention he would've had a soda in his hands right now. Well, since he still had bad luck and he didn't have any soda in his hands, that would mean that the world was against him. All he wanted was a freaking _softdrink_! Was that far too much?! Yet again, it was. Oh how he wanted to flick the finger at fate. Though if he did that right now – and in front of no one, to boot – people would start thinking that he was insane, more so than they already thought he was.

He was pondering whether or not he should just kick the vendo machine, but he soon decided against it. He was already in enough trouble, if he got any more tacked to his folder, he would surely be kicked out of college. And he'd worked so hard, too. Going to this stupid school made him juggle four part-time jobs. He'd be damned if he got expelled. All that hard work for nothing? No way.

Besides, they, meaning around ninety-seven percent of the school administration and an insane amount of his fellow struggling university students, would be happy if they knew that he went up and left. Staying in this school and making it through every single day was his only revenge for them making his life hell. There was that and the fact that he just didn't give up and all. Which made him think... didn't he just contradict his earlier words? Bah, humbug! He just wasn't in the mood to think like some smart-ass. He was just thirsty and the drinking fountains were out of order. Yeah, and Naruto didn't trust the water that came out of it. He could be quite the paranoid person. Hey, if you were poor and didn't have enough money to cover hospital bills, wouldn't you be like him? Thought so.

Basically, the only option left for him was the vending machine or the vendo machine. Which was so not on his side. Tough luck for him (again).

Did he already say just how much he hated society and life?

He was now starting to hate vendo machines as well.

He was wondering whether he should make a Hate Club or something like that. He knew that it'd be a hit even if he was the one who started it. A lot of people in their campus had grudges and hates and issues and stuff, which was expected since he was in college.

But before he really began hating the vendo machine, he decided to try again.

He used coins this time. He put the coins in the slot and pressed the button for the softdrink he wanted to get. And his money was eaten once again and he got nothing in return. He growled and gave the vendo machine the finger. It merely stared back at him with its... clear and shiny glass, taunting him by displaying the contents inside. The fact that vendo machines were made like that so that you could see what you could pick from was lost on Naruto. He was angry.

He had just lost more than one hundred yen to this piece of shit. Any cheapskate (or just someone with a very tight budget) would be angry.

"Fuck you!" he screamed.

The people around him stared at him, and then bolted out of the scene. That Uzumaki kid was so freaky.

Yeah, well, they were freaky, too, so care him! Hah!

Not minding the fact that his line of thought was nowhere near grammatic nirvana or Shangri-La or whatever that thing was called, he continued to curse his life out at the (innocent and inanimate) vendo machine. That was for all of the times that life bit him in the arse and he wasn't able to retaliate. Damn it! He was so sick of losing and being stepped on! Now was the time! He would make sure that all of them would pay!

If he had looked himself at a mirror, he would've thought that he was insane. Too bad that there wasn't a single mirror near him.

Just when he was about to kick the life out of the vendo machine – damn the rules! And, yeah, not that the vendo machine was alive – someone stepped up to the vendo machine, got out a crisp bill and put it on the place where the bills were supposed to go through. Once the bill was accepted by the vendo machine, the someone pressed on the button of the softdrink that he was going to buy and then... and then... there was the sound of a tumbling can. The guy got the softdrink and then stared at Naruto who looked very much shocked and angry.

That softdrink was the very same one that Naruto was trying to buy. And the button of the softdrink had gone from green to red, signifying that there was none of it left. Everything had happened in a blur. He now stared at the can the guy was holding. Then he glared at the guy and...

"Goddamn you!" he exclaimed. "What the hell did you do in order to get that?! We're both humans! What's the difference between you and me, huh?! You think you're all this and that and shit! I hate you, you son of a bitch!"

Now, if Naruto hadn't been so frustrated with life, even he would've said that his words were far too much. After all, the guy didn't know that he wanted _that_ particular brand of softdrinks. And if Naruto had been himself, he would've just picked another softdrink to mourn upon.

But as said before, Naruto had already had enough of life.

The guy merely blinked. Then he pulled down the headphones from his ear, leaving it around his neck.

"What did you say?" he asked. "I wasn't listening. And have we even met before?"

Before Naruto was going to retort, and rather angrily, too, he got an earful of what the guy was listening to. And laughed. What sane guy would listen to... ROUND TABLE?! In this year and day, that guy would have to be someone very girly.

Now, any _sane_ person would wonder how in the world Naruto knew about ROUND TABLE. He had a classmate for around... three of his subjects (and his friend, too), Hinata, who liked their songs. Sakura, who was another classmate of his (just for one subject, though – much to Sakura's joy), had told him when she saw him listening to it, too (because he did think that their songs were nice to listen to), that only girls listened to that stuff.

Of course, Sakura had been bullshitting him when she said that, but he sure didn't know that. Then again, maybe it was true. But who was anyone to say that?

The guy that was listening to the girly, in Naruto's opinion, music and was holding the can rolled his eyes. What the hell was up with that blond?

"What do you want from me?" he asked. "I don't have all day. I have Physics in... half an hour and I need to be ready so if you don't mind--"

Naruto's ears perked at that. Physics? That sounded new. If only he remembered that he'd already encountered the word on his last year of high school. But he wasn't the brightest of students and he already had a lot on his mind.

"What's Physics?" he asked.

The guy rose an eyebrow. He instantly began to calculate the blond's mind. How much of an idiot did someone need to be in order to go to college yet not know what Physics was? It was lost on him... And being the evil guy that he was, he decided to humor the blond.

"Oh, just another term for Psychic," he said, trying his hardest not to laugh, which was easy considering who he was, "basically, we're a bunch of espers and such. We're trying to harness ESP and all of those other things that entail being a psychic."

"Cool!" Naruto exclaimed. "Can I like sit-in or something?"

"You... really don't know what Physics is?"

"Well, it's interesting, right? Cause, yanno, it's all about the stuff that normal people don't have."

"Yeah, it's interesting." _For me_, he added in his mind.

"My name's Uzumaki Naruto!"

"Uchiha. Uchiha Sasuke. Oh, yeah, here's your drink. I just found out that I'm allergic to one of the things they put in it."

He got another drink with not an ounce of effort. Naruto was so envious. That guy seemed to have totally pwned the evil and vile vendo machine from hell.

Yeah, and it was also some sort of apology. Or maybe not. Sasuke knew one thing for sure. That sucker would be feeling hell in a few moments.

* * *

"Hey, I got another victim," Sasuke said as he entered the classroom. 

"Kakashi's still not here," Nara Shikamaru said, after which he yawned.

"Great job, Uchiha," Hyuuga Neji, Sasuke's seatmate, said. "What did you use this time?"

That day was the day Naruto learned that Physics was... dreadful.

* * *

Naruto had the feeling at the end of the day that life had fucked even more with him. Well, at least he wasn't that at all angry with vendo machines anymore. He didn't know if it was because he got his softdrink or because... 

Because of that bastard that opened his mind to _Physics_ which nearly fried his remaining brain cells and killed him with boredom.

* * *

It was the very next day when Naruto found out that the bastard was the leader of some college frat that the school bowed down to. The frat whose members were all people that were mercilessly worshiped on by the school population. 

Naruto made his way to the vendo machine and got ready for his prey. He didn't know if he was doing this for revenge or for something else. But whatever it was, it was doing his luck some good. He managed to get a drink out of the vendo machine and when he saw the bastard, he threw it -- the drink, that is to say -- at the aforementioned bastard who managed to catch it with a confused look on his face.

Naruto thought that the confused look fitted Sasuke more than the bastard one. Made him look cute.

It was also on that day that Naruto decided that the bastard, Uchiha Sasuke, would be getting another stalker. His first open stalker... a guy named Uzumaki Naruto.

_The end...?_

* * *

Thank you for reading. I sincerely hope that you comment on this. It would help a lot. Much more than you might be able to think. Comments on anything would be much appreciated. Anything at all. Especially if you managed to see any mistakes. Spelling or grammar or anything like those. 

The events that happened at the beginning are partially true. I did encounter one bastard of a vendo machine that kept on eating the coins for one day. Good thing that it was **Daydreaming Miu**'s (whom I doubt will see this because she doesn't go for the shounen-ai fics) money and not mine that I used.

Some of the words and phrases and such have been inspired by the mails I exchanged with **Kaikouken**. So if you do happen to stumble on this, thank you so much!

I also wanted to say good luck to **Lisea18**.


End file.
